Wait a second..

Hold up. I'm not a phoney. Totally not. Weights can definitely be done in flip flops. Plus, going to a gym isn't what I would call "worth doing", but more so along the lines of "should do in order to fight the battle of cellulite".

I've redeemed myself.

My grandmother always told me to wear comfortable shoes

I'm a total phoney.

I joined a gym.

I went last night.

I'm a total phoney.

The Day I have Been Waiting For

Best Friend Stacy. All we have in common is that we love each other (and pups).

me: they played at sasquatch

12:54 PM Stacy: what is that?

12:55 PM me: omg

mark this day

july 2 2009 12:55pm

Stacy: you telling me about a new indie bar?

me: umm like a indie music festival

like burning man w/o the desert

its in washington

Stacy: oh yeah

wait

i do know that

me: http://www.sasquatchfestival.com/

Stacy: i thoght you meant

a bar

ha

me: whatever stace

12:56 PM Stacy: no seriously

me: no way

no

sorry

Stacy: i was like where is sasquatch in tally

me: sorry for those 15 seconds where i was more indie than you

Stacy: hahahahah

me: this is going in my blog

thank you

Michael Jackson and ice cream

Last Friday some very special friends had me over to have a late birthday celebration. I had no idea that there would be an ice cream bar awaiting me when I arrived to their house. What an incredible delight. Coldstone couldn't compete with the line-up they created. After I loaded my bowl up with so much ice cream and every topping known, I thought we were going to watch a movie - but somehow we never got to it. I'm not sure how it all happened, but suddenly it was 1am and we had been dancing to Michael Jackson for 3 hours.

When I heard the news of MJ, I wasn't sure how to react. Yes he is definitely eccentric and perhaps engaged in questionable behavior. On the other side, you think of the most influential musicians and you think the Beatles, Elvis, and MJ. I'm not incredibly attached to him - I never listened to him growing up (somehow I doubt my classically trained musician parents would have ever enjoyed Billie Jean) - and my first memory of his music is playing The Way You Make Me Feel with Kristin our freshman year in her dorm. So there's not a lot of history between Michael and I...but on Friday night in Tallahassee, four girls paid tribute to the king of pop. United like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, we danced in a dark living room all with an insatiable appetite for MJ's finest hits. This will go down as my most cherished Michael Jackson memory. I'd love to hear favorite memories of MJ from my Faithful Followers!

ps - My ice cream, I named it "thank God for metabolsim"

Bride Wars

Bridezillas are no joke. You know who I'm talking about. The girls that think their wedding day is more important than any other day of any one's life, the girls that create theknot.com page two minutes after they are engaged, the girls that send marathon emails of dos and don'ts, the girls that think toenails, hairdos and jewelry have to be identical on their 'maids, the girls that lose sight of the marriage while planning the wedding. As I am going on bridesmaid duty for the 5th and 6th time this summer, I fortunately have never been subjected to the wrath of a Bridezilla. There is something, however, about Bridezillas to Be that I find so interesting. Below is one of the most impressive Bridezilla email specimens I've ever read (I know it's long but it's sooooo worth it):

My dearest fair 'maids:
So I'm doing that thing that Cosmo makes fun of so badly- I'm writing you an email with my expectations and wishes. It's cool though because Cosmo sucks, seriously. I apologize in advance if anything I write in this letter offends any of you, but we all come from different backgrounds and sometimes I make the assumption that people can read my
mind. If this gets a little too heavy, take a deep breath, walk away, and continue reading after you've calmed down. Lets begin, shall we? (this is really long, you might want to print it to read it- sorry)

ARTICLE 1: *Toes, feet, and shins*

we are wearing 1'', open toed, gold sandals. This means that we don't have to suffer through pantyhose. IT also means that I expect your toes to be perfect. We are all going to wear the same color nail polish on our toes. The color is called "socratease me" by OPI. I will have bottles of it that you may borrow, and most salons carry the OPI line. I
highly reccommend going to a manucurist because they do a damn good job and no, you really can't be painting your toes by yourself for an event like this. If you absolutely cannot get a manicure, we will paint your toes as a team the night before the wedding. To save money, a good place to go would be to local beauty schools that offer a discounted rate. Also,hate to be xenophobic but the "Chinese" places often offer a package deal for less than "American" salons. (FYI I am not a rascist). I trust you all to not paint your fingernails green, blue, black, etc and I also trust that you shave off your toe hair because girlfriend, if you haven't already, you're behind. One nice thing about these metallic shoes is that if you get spray-tanned, you don't have to worry about sweat staining the shoes! Please scuff up your shoes on the concrete a bit but DO NOT wear them out before the 28th, thank you.

ARTICLE 2: *Skin*

It always makes me cringe when someone talks about how bad another person's acne is because mine was so bad, I hate talking about skin...therefore the most important thing, I feel, is the potential for tan lines to appear at random. Specifically, almost everyone gets a little "ring" at the base of their neck from their T-Shirt that they can't see. This drives me bonkers! Farmer tans and sports bra tans are second on my list of absolute hatreds. Use sunscreen when you go outside unless you have a strapless top on because you really will look foolish. I tan so easily and the lines show up in a matter of minutes, no joke. If you would like a nice tan and you're concerned about looking tan quickly and safely, spray tan is always a good option but make sure you get the timing perfect or you'll be sweating tan onto the dress or peeling like Michael Jackson. Salon spray-tans are awesome and you can't tell that they're fake unless you have lots of dead skin on your feet and hands which should be taken care of if you get a petticure anyways! Katie
bought the new Jergens Soft Glow and it looks great for a natural sun tan topper that isn't orangey or streaky. I need to buy some!

ARTICLE 3:*Face*

All of you do your makeup well but I just wanted to pass on a few thoughts. Firstly, you're probably going to be better off putting on heavier makeup for the pictures- this came straight from the photographer. Second, DO NOT, I repeat- DO NOT wear PRISMATIC, ULTRA SHINY, OR HIGH SPARKLE OR GLOSS ANYTHING- eye shadow, lip gloss, whatev. We are having digital photographers and the digital camera is so intelligent that it picks up the light in each individual crystal in the makeup thus making you look like you have christmas lights planted in your face. To be frank, it looks like shit. If you go to www.maccosmetics.com, here is what I would say "no" to if you don't want to be a lightbulb head:
-FROST *NO
An iridescent shine that adds a highlight to any colour.
-LUSTRE *NO
Smoothly pearlized; intensely frosted with deluxe ultra-fine
"conditioned" finish.
-MATTE *YES
Hi-colour pay-off in a no-shine matte finish.
-SATIN *YES
Pure colour in a satin-style finish. Provides a soft subtle non-frost,
light-refractive sheen.
-VELUXE *YES
Superfine pigment rich and very luxe. Supple to apply. Provides silky
smooth matte finish.
-VELUXE PEARL *NO
Vibrantly-toned. Velvety soft. Shimmeringly metallic. Veluxe eye shadow,
now overlaid with high-shine pearl.
-VELVET *YES
Soft look finish with high-colour intensity. Has a plush velvety look
and feel.
Furthermore, don't underestimate the flash of a camera. If you are going to wear foundation and powder, the flash will reflect more off of the powder and foundation than you actually see in the mirror when you do your makeup. This is why sometimes in pictures girls look "ghostly" and whiter than they really are. Some ways to avoid this is mixing a bit of darker foundation in with your normal foundation and never underestimating the power of blush and bronzer. Bronzer mixed in with pressed powder is a good base for then a highlight with a light blush. Lastly, Make sure everything you wear is waterproof. This is obvious because we're going to be sweating and running and oozing and we all know how much Laura needs her eyedrops ;o) Don't neglect to pluck the brows before the day of so you're not all swollen. I'll make sure that we get a little "touchup" time before the pictures because the church is not air conditioned! Yikes! MAC makes a great finishing spray that is like a mineral "hair spray" for your face that holds your makeup andconditions/moistureizes. It is very expensive but I was going to buy it, maybe we could share- we'll see.

ARTICLE 4: *hair*

I am going to be getting my hair done at Belleza Salon the morning of. (This part is the part that for those of you who knew every word from here up might get frustrated with) I want all of you to have similar hairstyles, please. A giant "prom-hair" updo is not appropriate for this event. I will be dissapointed if you decide to forsake me and you're all
twisted and spiked and the hair is on top of your head with braids and bombs and flowers, etc. I might MAKE you wear something on your head that goes with the dresses. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to wear your hair totally down unless you're S.Petre (because let's face it- Petre looks like a Pantene commercial everyday). A low, more mature updo I feel would be more appropriate. Another great style would be 1/2 up and 1/2 down if it's subtle and clean and not an explosion of curls on your crown. Think 1960's flipped out like Kevin's mom on the "Wonder Years"
as opposed to Kelly Kapowski on "Saved by the Bell". I know that some of you have collicks and can't pull your hair back and that's totally cool but please make sure that if you get a sweep, there's room on one side of your head for me to potentially stick something in it. Once again, if you go to a professional, not only will they make it look perfect, but they will straighten it for you and spray you and all that junk. Please, please, please, go get your hair done because even though it is expensive, it will save you a lot of sanity and frustration. And believe me when I say this- my family will remember how bad your hair was for the next 50 family weddings and remind me of it on every Xmas. Don't be that rooty, frizzy, yucky girl. I don't even think that I have to tell you to get a root touch up because well seriously, we're classy ladies.

ARTICE 5: *Behavior*

NO SEX, NO DRUGS, NO ROCK AND ROLL. END OF STORY. No talking OR EVEN THINKING about S, D, and R&R in front of my grandmother and mother. They can read minds and they hold grudges IN A BIG WAY. Like Heinemann says, "Some people have hobbies, we judge" so keep this in mind as any social tabus will be quickly picked up and gossiped around the room (i.e. wearing the wrong color/the 11th commandment).My cousin Melissa got married 6 years ago and her bridesmaids were the gossip of every family wedding until the Pope died. So here comes the last of the bitch, are you ready?!

You will not chew gum in church. You will not slouch when standing up. You will not rock back and forth in boredom as the pastor drones on. You will not touch your hair, face, dress, armpit, whatever at all in the ceremony unless to lovingly wipe a tear or catch someone should they faint. If I could stand at attention in the blazing sun with a 45 pound
horn in my arms for hours at a time not moving, trust me, you can be composed for the ceremony. Please be as Zen as possible when "in uniform", no running, swearing, smoking, or throwing things (that one will be hardest for me). YOU will not be drunk for dinner. You will not use your outside voice at any given time during dinner or the reception until "drunk o clock". We can have some Champagne in the Hummer, but I trust your judgement to decipher when it is okay to have more than a few cocktails. You will not carry beer cans in your hand. You will not make out with anyone on the dance floor. You will not hike up your skirt and play your leg as if it were a guitar. Please do not bust out Kappa songs.

Lastly, I love you all and I'm so sorry that I had to tell you all this stuff. I'll do just about anything for any of your weddings should you want me to because I know I'm sure giving you all hell. If you have a question, hit me back.

###

Ok, points for using the word "xenophobic", mentioning toe hair, using the metaphor of christmas lights regarding shimmer makeup, bringing up the prom up-do, and Kelly Kapowski, and honestly being a really well written and funny email considering.

Points off for slamming Michael Jackson's skin peeling (RIP) and not allowing leg guitars.

What my closet wants to be when it grow up.

I don't consider myself fashionable. I buy what I like, I like what I buy, and I try to pull it all together and hope for the best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Now that I am employed full time and have a little more expendable income (read: a little), I do admit that I am a little addicted to shopping. I guess you could say that I like my money where I can see it: In My Closet. It doesn't matter if it's Lily Pulitzer, nanette lepore, Cole Haan, or Besty Johnson....or if it's Mossimo, Issac Mizrahi, consignment store dress or Thrift store purse. They're all in my closet cohabitating as one marvelous and intricate art form, and each get their moment to shine. I've come to appreciate the expressionism and beauty of fashion. With that, the pictures below are self-explanatory. I can only dream one day my closet will look like these:

*this is my favorite. i love the open door cabinets.

Here's a few celeb closets:

Oprah:

Mariah Carey's shoes (overkill, typical of Mariah):

Eva Longoria:

Kim Cattrall:

One day....my clothes will have a proper place of rest.

I dont understand how God can create something this cute.

Bo's Official Picture

Bo's Official White House Portrait

Smile on, little man. You know you are the cutest thing ever.

I'm being watched....

Today I was in my car at a stoplight, and I could totally feel the person in the car in the next  lane over staring at me.  You know that feeling?  That someone the next car over is looking right at you?  Whoever it was in that car, I could tell had their eyes locked on me.  So I start to get uncomfortable, I cough, I mess around with my radio buttons, I pick up my cell phone to make sure I didn't have any missed called, all those tricks to try to get this person to stop staring at me.  No luck.  I'm starting to get mad at this point - who does this joker think he is? How Rude to stare so intently at a young woman.  Finally I thought "Ok Buddy, you want to play this game? Fine, I'll look over and catch you in the act, if this is how you want it to be".  So I looked over to my perpetrator and looked that dirtbag straight in the eyes.  

Big brown eyes were staring back at me.  Big brown eyes from a golden retriever.  I laughed out loud.

This was the highlight of my day. 

Leader of the Free World, Fly swatter extrordinnaire

He can do it all!!

Mornings with Zach and Malcolm

I better myself each morning by watching either Saved by the Bell or Malcolm in the Middle. There's something about getting ready listening to the Bell or Dewey screaming at rocks that makes me giggle.

This reunion special on Jimmy Fallon makes me giggle. A lot!

Family Travel

I love my family. I think they are awesome. But traveling with them isn't something I always look forward to. With a slightly neurotic dad and my overly friendly mother, my stress level is to a max.

My mom talks to everyone within a 3 foot radius of her when we travel. When I mean everyone, I mean the person sitting next to her on the plane - no matter how interested or disinterested they may be-, the baby in the elevator, the person in line at Seattle's Best Coffee, the person waiting to grab their luggage, the person waiting to check their bags, I mean anyone. I am totally OK with being friendly, but at airports

- interruption in live time: as a perfect example of this, some lady just sat down next to us as we're waiting for my dad to come back with the rental car. My mom just looked over and says "Hello!". Now she's asking questions. Do you see what I'm saying?

ok back to my story, at airports I feel like a lot of people are needing to move quick, get their stuff, and get to where they are going. My mom completely interrupts this process. And how can you not talk to my mom? She's so sweet and cute and unassuming. Our flight out of Tallahassee was at 6:30am, so we are on the plane at like 6:10am. Our seats were separated, so my mom ends up sitting by herself and plops down to some fratty looking undergrad. My dad and I know what is coming and want to warn the Fratty Fellow, but there's nothing we can do.

- interruption in real time again: my mom just put a bookmark her book so she's really about to reel this poor lady in.

Anyways, my mom starts chatting up her Fratty Friend and from the snippets I hear of their conversation, I understand that he's 21, goes to Stephen F. Austin State University in Texas, was just in Panama City on vacation before summer school, and went to a wedding last night. Now, if that was you, would you be AT ALL wanting to talk to a stranger on a plane? at 6:15am? Poor guy. You know he's blogging right this second about his experience on the plane "Dude, this lady talked my ear off and all I wanted to do nurse my hangover."

- interruption in real time: mom's new lady friend's ride just got here and she's leaving....I think my mom is sad her friend is gone.

My dad on the other hand is neurotic, anxious, and unfriendly when we travel. Pops wants to arrive early, check in, get through security, get to the gate - no time for jokes or funny business. You can see that my mom's behavior adds to my dad's stress of traveling.

Dad just showed up with the rental car - he's running around - better go help. Sigh.

I love old people

Help!

For my birthday, one thing I've asked for is a piece of art.  I found this great store in Havana, FL, and went there today to pick out which piece.  My thought is that I would like to start collecting at least one piece of art that has special meaning to me - the places that I've lived or grown to love.  I've got chicken man paintings from Columbia, so now I need something from the FL Panhandle.

At the store, the woman told me that the pieces I liked (they were like vintage beach postcards but blown up and matted on to pieces of wood) can be custom ordered online.  SO - now I'm online and I am overwhelmed with choices!  Can you help me pick out a good one?

All the text can be changed on the art - so it could say Tallahassee, St. Marks, Destin, St. George Island, Sopchoppy (kidding for you FL natives), Lake Seminole, Panama City (pre Club LaVela), Wakulla Springs, Shell Point, Alligator Point, etc.  I just have NO idea what location I want, or what print!  All I know is I am going for a vintage, totally North Florida feel.  Here's a couple prints I was thinking about.

(this may sound lame but the lady in the picture in red is smoking a ciggy. So I kind of don't like this one for that reason)

(this would be perfect for St. Marks, but it's not really that beachy feel)

(Fun Fact: My aunt and uncle have a summer house in June Lake, CA.  It has a town population of about 300 in North Cali.  No one has ever heard of it so I love that this website has June Lake as an example!)

I like phrases like "The Best Florida Sunshine, Enjoy Summer all year Round in Sunny Florida, Paradise Living, Enjoy the Easy Life".

Ok you creative people - give me some suggestions of print, location and phrase!! Call it your birthday present to me :)

National Doughnut Day 2009

Happy National Doughnut Day!  Stop by Krispy Kreme and get one free doughnut - no strings attached!  You can also stop by Dunkin Doughnuts and get a free doughnut with a purchase of a drink.

Happy eating!

Cute things

Nemo, Dory, Marlin

Columbus Short

WallE

Timon and Pumba

Wrinkle pup and wrinkle laundry

Petey and sunglasses

Owlette

Fancy Llamas

Olive

June 3: National Fist Bump day

http://www.nationalfistbumpday.com/

I heart Bo

If your heart doesn't melt at this, I'm not sure I want to be associated with a person like you.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And whatever your opinions on the Prez are - you can't help but love that he talks Puppy to Bo in this clip.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

This one goes out to my pops

To my pops;

To the guy who made me PB&J lunches every day for 10 years (and made me save the brown paper lunch bag);

To the guy named Ken who married a lady named Barbie;

The guy that built Ken and Barbie's pink Florida dream house;

To the guy that is my car mechanic, deck builder, mover (10 times in the past 6 years) and general fixer-upper;

To the guy that answers "She's dating her dad" when company asks of my love life;

To the guy that made me cry in middle school and laugh in college and beyond;

The guy that made me sit at the dining room table and practice long division as I shed tears;

The guy that wears madras shorts with printed shirts and doesn't see anything wrong with it;

To the guy who then wears seersucker and bow ties;

The guy who can watch episode after episode of Seinfeld but refuses to get cable TV;

To the guy who taught me all about my Czech heritage and the dumpling ladies in Cleveland;

To the guy that thinks about what I need before I know I even need it;

The guy who wears speedos while he gardens;

To the guy agrees to share his 63rd birthday with a sweet 16 party....

Happy birthday pops. You're #1.

#1 dad!

You thought I was kidding about the gardening in speedos bit.  Sadly, so sadly, I wasn't.  This is my closest genetic match.

R*** T***

Somewhere in between the "Go To Church or the Devil Will Get You" sign and the gigantic confederate flag off I-65, I found myself in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, this weekend.  Sara works at Bama, so Carolyn and I met there to have a girls weekend - and girls weekend it was.  Wine, great food, and shopping in B'ham.

We all decided that in 10 years, we're quitting our jobs and moving to a city (TBD, my choices would be Charleston or Birmingham) to open a home and gift store.  Carolyn will do accounting, Sara will do marketing, and I'll just be awesome.  We're going to go to markets, buy one-of-a-kind tables, lamps, artwork, chinaware, fine household gifts, stationary, cards, high end gift wrap, etc.  All super unique stuff.  I requested that on cold days we have apple cider and on hot we'd have pink lemonade.   We'd definitely have our dogs at the store, too.  Then we thought, "Ok, well, we'll need collegiate stuff".  Florida State, UGA, Auburn, Alabama, S Carolina, N. Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky....obviously we would not sell anything orange, blue, or alligator shaped (sorry Adam).  It may cut our sales but we won't stand to cut our integrity.  I can't wait.

Bama!

Who is happier, me or Gracie?

 post script: the title of this post "R*** T***" is in honor of Mary Beth.  MB and her husband David are the biggest Auburn fans I know and I've heard alllllllll about the Auburn/AL hatred.  She's always been an avid Seminole supporter and Gator hater, so I am trying my best to not be overly Bama in this post.  How about this MB:

WAR EAGLE!!